


On My Own

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 15:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16895559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Crowley didn’t have much right now…but he had a friend. Well, he did…until he was cured. Inspired by "On My Own" from Les Miserables.





	On My Own

_On my own, pretending he's beside me.  All alone, I walk with him 'til morning._

Crowley sat at the table as he remembered the last time he was here.  The last time, he wasn’t alone.  The last time, he didn’t feel so…abandoned.  He looked across the table, and hoped to see him there, but he wasn’t. 

 

The waitress came by and dropped of his drink, and his burger.  Yes, a burger…the smell of it reminded him of better times.  Crowley closed his eyes as he let the scent fill him, and for a moment, he imagined what it was like when his best friend, Dean Winchester (the demon), sat across from him and they talked about everything under the sun. 

_Without him, I feel his arms around me, and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me._

But that was just it…Dean wasn’t there.  Sam and Castiel had cured him.  Idiots, cured him. He was better as a demon.  He didn’t worry over everything, he didn’t feel guilt…why would they want to take him back to that?  Crowley reached down into his pocket and flipped open his phone, staring at the background picture.

 

It was of him and Dean, wearing stupid hats and smiling at the camera.  Crowley huffed as he flipped it shut and tossed it down on the table.  He may be the King of Hell…but right now he felt like the King of Loneliness, however cliché that may be. 

_In the rain, the pavement shines like silver.  All the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight, and all I see is him and me, forever and forever._

Crowley never really had friends before.  Not even as a child, or when he was human.  He was always on his own.  So once he realized that Dean was a demon, he held out his hand and pulled the hunter into his world.  Dean became like a confidant, a right hand man.  He trusted Dean, and Dean trusted him.  That was what friendship was about, trust…he had never had that before…

_And I know, it's only in my mind. That I'm talking to myself, and not to him._

Crowley let out a sad sigh as he thought to himself.  When he finally had a friend, he was taken away from him.  He finally had someone who didn’t care about Lucifer, or Abaddon.  Someone who didn’t want Crowley overthrown.  Someone who had his back…but not anymore. 

_And although, I know that he is blind, still I say there's a way for us._

Dean was no longer a demon…but in the back of his mind, Crowley began to wonder.  Maybe there was still a chance.  Maybe, Dean would remember their comradery, and maybe he would still have a friend, an ally in this world.  Crowley let that hope fill him as he took himself from the strange bar to the bunker. 

_I love him, but when the night is over, he is gone, the river's just a river.  Without him, the world around me changes, the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers._

Crowley kept himself hidden away as he watched Dean and Sam interact, trying to get a feel for what part of the demon may still be lurking there.  Was his friend still there?  Or was Crowley alone, again?  He watched as Sam spoke to his brother, heard him ask where he had been.  His breath caught as he waited for Dean to answer.

 

“With Crowley…ghah…I think I was like his buddy.  I think I need a shower after that.”  Crowley’s face fell as Sam let out a laugh. 

 

So that was it. 

_I love him, but every day I'm learning, all my life, I've only been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning. The world is full of happiness that I have never known._

Crowley left the bunker and found his way to a random park in some random state.  He always had to keep moving…  But that was it, wasn’t it.  He didn’t want that anymore.  He wanted to rule hell, so he didn’t have to hide away.  So he wasn’t under someone’s thumb.  He wanted friends and allies.  He was tired of being alone.

 

Why did Dean get that happiness and not him?  Dean had a brother…Crowley didn’t even have a lacky right now.  Dean had a best friend…it used to be Crowley, but now that he was considered an enemy…he guessed that duty would fall to Castiel.

_I love him.  But only on my own._

“Guess I’ll always be alone.”  Crowley said to himself.  Even growing up…his mother would pawn him off on others, not wanting him around.  His father ran out on them…  Then his wife…  Then he became a demon, and he didn’t care about that.  But this time with Dean showed him what he had always been missing…and now that he had a taste, he wanted it back.  But he wouldn’t have it.  He knew that now.  He would always be on his own. 


End file.
